Opening

I have done this thing, and it is finished.
To me, the room glows. IIt is much more beautiful than I expected. For me, this is a reason for hope. I wanted to confront crisis, to allow myself to go deep in to being afraid, but my hands couldn't help but make it beautiful to me. There is no REASON I should feel optimistic, after this year, but I have to and I do. Embracing the situation of the world as I find it, of myself within that world, is petrifying but that does not mean that it is also invigorating.

I feel this project is successful because I have kept learning until the last day- both technically and intellectually. This week I learned to install videos, to show my year of compost and electricity. I learned to build a staircase. This morning I tied "eco-system collapse" in to the flow chart, thinking about the common results between actions that poison the land like landfills and industrial agricultural, things that strip the land of resources like deforestation, and things that shift the land like the changing weather patterns that result from global warming. The opening is about to begin, and I am finishing my project by writing this. I have aimed to make work that makes me learn as much as possible.

For days, now I've felt scared about the opening. This place feels like an externalization of my body, and so it is as if hundreds of people will be walking inside my body tomorrow. It would be much worse if I had any doubts I had made something great. That much I know. Many efforts are failed, but there are so many efforts here, and the space speaks to me of the yearning for clarity I've felt, if not the clarity itself. I guess I am ready to let anyone in.